Amber Heard Turd to be Auctioned at Sotheby’s

The famous Amber Heard turd she left on Johnny Depp’s sheet after they had another regular argument is set to be auctioned off at Sotheby’s in Beverly Hills in August.

Auctioneer, Mathew Fortington Smythe expects Amber Heard’s piece of shit to be sold for approximately $350,000.

Own a Piece of Turd History

“The Heard turd should reach its reserve no problem. I am already receiving hundreds of calls from private collectors who are interested in the item.”

Celebrity newspapers were today speculating on whom the seller is.

One tabloid news outlet is convinced the seller is Amber Heard herself.

“She needs the fucking money. She lost the case, and every bit of shit helps, so she saved up her turd, and now wants to sell it.”

Parisian art gallery owner, Ernest du Merde, is also infatuated with the Amber Heard turd.

“Tres bien, I am sure her excrement smells like tulips fresh from a field in Provence. I am keen to sign Amber up for a series of turds, we can forget the haystacks of Claude Monet. Amber, if you read this, I have a solution to your money problems. $8 million will be like a breeze. Call me, tout suite.”