Man Finds Life on Mars Behind Sofa

DELAWARE - USA - A 34-year-old Goonsville man has claimed he has finally found Life on Mars behind his stained red Ikea sofa.

“I was looking for the CD for two whole days. It’s my favourite David Bowie record and I finally found it in the back crack of my sofa. I felt so liberated, like I had achieved something. Thank you, there really is Life on Mars and even though there were ketchup stains all up the box I just wiped it off and it’s as good as new,” Budd Mayerschlitz, told local news outlets after finding the long lost album.

The good news was also hailed by the man’s long-suffering girlfriend Irene Danitz, who said: “He was getting ready to download the whole album for free from some torrent site but I stopped him. We want Bowie to get some royalties because his shite new album will probably only sell about 50 copies worldwide and downloading music for free is an awful thing to do to artists.”

NASA meanwhile has not found any life on Mars.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Reader support keeps the caffeine flowing.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by
    Tags: us

    Recent Posts

    LAMMY: Mandem to be Released Early

    LONDON - England - Labour Justice Secretary David Lammy is to release up to 6,000…

    1 day ago

    15th Five-Year Plan: What China’s Development Means to the World

    DALIAN - China - The World Economic Forum meeting is upbeat about China’s 15th Five-Year…

    2 days ago

    When Mother Earth Speaks Humans Still Do Not Listen

    CARACAS - Venezuela - A 7.5 magnitude earthquake is a small reminder that humans are…

    2 days ago

    Unelected Comrade Burnham Ushering New Era of Communism

    MANCHESTER - England - Unelected Comrade Burnham has destroyed the last vestiges of democracy as…

    4 days ago

    People’s Republic of Soviet Britain Urgent Bulletin Regarding Comrade Starmer

    MANCHESTER - England - Good news comrades. Comrade Starmer has been apprehended and made into…

    5 days ago

    “Comrades, they are coming for me on Monday! This is it!”

    UNDISCLOSED LOCATION - Comrade Starmer has revealed in a communique that a dastardly coup is…

    6 days ago

    This website uses cookies.