Prince Andrew Being Coached On How to Survive Prison

After news streamed through of the capture of financier Epstein’s former Madam being arrested in America by the FBI, and her eventual relinquishing of secrets, that is when the palace machinery took hold preparing Prince Andrew for the inevitable.

Palace aides have now been preparing Prince Andrew for a long stretch in an American prison after the demands for his extradition are met.

One close consort to the prince revealed some unsettling details: “The prince is being prepared for a long stretch in an American prison. We have employed an ex convict from America to teach the prince how to survive in jail. He has to learn how to defend himself on a daily basis, learn how to fend off the bum rapers, and if he is not able to harden up, will have to learn how to suck dick. It is a terrible fate for the prince, and we will do everything in our power to halt this extradition order, but we’re afraid when it comes to power, the Americans have it all and us Brits have pretty much nothing.”

Surviving in a hardcore American prison is no cake walk, especially for someone of Prince Andrew’s pedigree.

“The prince gotta get hard otherwise he gonna be somebody biotch, and don’t drop the soap in the shower n shiet! Drop the soap and you dead meat, yo azz cheeks will be pumped!” ex con, Trayvon Manding, revealed on Friday, giving the prince some advice.

It also depends on who your cellmate is in prison. Get the wrong cellmate, and you will be glugging down gallons of stinking convict gloop for the rest of your stretch, and not be able to walk without a severe limp.