Kim Jong Un Urging Lindsay Lohan North Korea Trip

PYONGYANG - North Korea - Dictator Kim Jong Un is so enamoured by the Hollywood beauty Lindsay Lohan that he will do anything for her to come over to his country.

Worried officials in Pyongyang were seen scrambling around trying to calm things down on Friday when Kim had another tantrum.

“He keeps calling Ms Lohan’s agent in Los Angeles but she is too busy to even answer the call. He had two Ministers executed yesterday for suggesting he give it a rest and deal with important North Korean business, like starting a nuclear war or something,” an informant revealed from inside the capital city.

Emissaries for the dictator were even flown to Los Angeles last week to see if they could achieve some kind of deal with Ms Lohan but failed and returned to N. Korea unsuccessful in their mission.

Kim Jong Un wants to also erect a statue to Lindsay Lohan in Kim Il-sung Square, the main place where they have all those spectacular Soviet parades.

“Someone needs to break it to him that Lindsay Lohan only likes certain things, you know like bearded oysters. She certainly is not looking for a sweating obese megalomaniac dictator with a penchant for ordering executions at the drop of a hat,” another insider revealed.

Do you value freedom?

SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB We fight for freedom, justice, satire and coffee.
  • First they came for the Satirists
  • And I did not speak out
  • Then they came for the...
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    Homeless Fergie Found Under Waterloo Bridge

    LONDON - England - Yes, you guessed correctly. It's under Waterloo Bridge for the former…

    1 day ago

    Prince Andrew: “Why is it just the Brits in the Epstein files?”

    DUBAI - UAE - Prince Andrew decries why the Epstein files mainly focus on the…

    2 days ago

    Why I had to dump the “Jonah” Commissar Reeves from the China begging trip

    BEIJING - China - Comrade Starmer explains why he dumped "Jonah" Commissar Reeves from the…

    3 days ago

    Comrade Starmer Visiting Communist Comrades in China

    BEIJING - China - Comrade Starmer is on a visit to the communist country as…

    5 days ago

    Open Borders Socialist Spain Fast Tracks Half a Million Illegal Migrants Coming to UK

    MADRID - Spain - The far-leftist socialist government has fast-tracked citizenship for over half a…

    5 days ago

    Socialist Tory Party Disgusted as Conservative Defects to Brigand Bandit Group

    LONDON - England - Comrade Badenoch of the Socialist Tory Party is very angry that…

    7 days ago

    This website uses cookies.