New Box Office Hit: Toilet Paper Zombie Apocalypse

Directed by Martin ‘Marty’ Scoochio, and starring Robert De Niall, as the hero, the film has been playing to empty cinemas across the globe for two weeks now, and is hailed as the best zombie apocalypse movie during the actual zombie apocalypse.

The real star of course is the toilet paper in the movie, which will have you grabbing a roll yourself to wipe your eyes with — you just won’t be able to undo what you see.

Useless Eaters

“The beginning scenes in Woolworths were amazing man, I was seeing these zombies one after the other with shopping trollies full of fucking toilet rolls, and some were even fighting each other for them,” amateur movie critic, Tony Wipes, revealed on his YouTube channel with two subscribers.

Zombies eating toilet roll, wrapping themselves in it, and of course wiping their pooey asses with the stuff assails the viewer as the camera judders with pure cinematic glory over the horrific scenes.

Padded toilet paper, extra padded, and even the scratchy shit you get in offices, and airports, it’s all fucking there for you horror lovers.

We gave this film a resounding wipe right between the smelly crack, a score of 8/10.

Can you eat toilet paper?