Ricky Gervais Nominated to Present Oscars

“We Americans adore Gervais since he’s moved here. Hell, we like him so much, we reckon he should present for the Oscars too. People think us narcissistic Hollywood types are stuck up our own arses with no sense of humour. He’s shown us the delights of British humour, and we’ve been eating it up with gusto,” Hollywood mogul, Dino Schwartz, told the LA Times.

Such is the aura of praise for Gervais, that many Hollywood stars gush over the mere mention of his name.

“Ricky Gervais? You mean the British guy? Well, I have to say, usually we don’t understand a frickin’ word he says anyway. It’s like some different kind of language. Americans also don’t understand intricate humour or subtlety either, so that’s why he had to be as blunt as he was tonight — he has to spell things out until we Yanks understand him,” one of the stars at the event explained.

Tom Cruise, who attended with his wife, was all praise for the comedian: “Just before I got here for the awards, I was in my walk-in closet pondering what tie I should put on, and I thought to myself, this is going to be one hell of an evening with that English guy, Gervais. I wanted to impress him with my Scatology cult styles, so I chose the one with the rainbow on it.”

Another Golden Globe attendee said: “Some people say that us Yanks don’t have much of a sense of humour. Well after tonight, that Limey bastard, Gervais, might just find his feet in a fuckin’ concrete block right before he takes a long walk off a short pier,” top Hollywood producer, Cohen Katzengoldberger, shouted angrily before speeding off in his Ferrari.