Mick Jagger: Rolling Stones Might Retire in 2025

“We’re considering retiring in 2025, or maybe before the next ice age descends on us,” Sir Mick told the Rolling Stone magazine interviewer, Arthur Voss.

It has been one hell of a trip for the best rock’n’roll band this world has ever seen.

Keith Richards, who revealed in his recent autobiography that he has fathered over 25,000 children since his career in the music biz began, bragged that he can still keep his “massive pecker up longer than Mick’s tiny todger.”

However, medical professionals who recently examined Keith Richards believe he is actually partially dead, and is somehow only functioning due to the huge amount of drugs he ingested over his career. After a series of tests were conducted on some tissue donated by Mr Richards to a lab in Switzerland in 2010, the researchers deduced that Keith’s body has effectively been mummified, and although barely alive, his leather-like skin still receives minimal blood supply. His organs however are relics of the second world war, and have been reduced to basic husks.

As for the rhythm guitarist, Ronnie Wood, if one was to put his liver in a jar it would resemble a soluble aspirin.

“I think it’s my 341’st nervous breakdown, and I’m willing to have many, many more,” a skeletal looking Ronnie Wood said at a recent charity event in Kensington.

And what of Charlie Watts, the quiet rocker and gentleman of the band?

According to reports, he is so old that he has to have liquid formaldehyde pumped through his veins everyday just to keep the flesh from rotting away.

“When we play concerts these days, we see vultures circling up above. And I have to say, I know for sure that good ol’ Lucifer is waiting for us down there too. You know, the guy who I signed on that piece of paper for all those years ago. Soon like R.J. he’ll want to take what is owed for eternity. I got to say though, I had some fun times here on earth. Here’s to 2025,” a jubilant Keith Richards said at a recent retrospective in Los Angeles.

You never know, scientists may soon find the cure for old age and the Rolling Stones can then tour for all of eternity.