Evil BP Chief to Star in Hollywood Blockbuster

“We need another English baddie in our next movie and when I saw that English dude who is in charge of BP, I said let’s get this evil S.O.B in and get him to fight against Bruce Willis or who’s that other guy? Yeah, I’m thinking maybe that plank of wood Kevin Costner,” Dan Malnick, senior casting executive for Warners told Hollywood Weekly magazine on Tuesday.

English actors are notoriously cast as the ‘bad guys’ in all Hollywood films, and the CEO of BP is no exception to the rule.

“He’s pretty evil I heard, so he’s perfect for the role. He’s got this plummy English accent and he walks around with his brass balls banging between his legs. We’re currently working on Die Hard 56 so he would be perfect for that. American film
audiences love the English accent and perceive it as characteristic of someone who
is a sophisticated evil genius, much like Hannibal Lector or Darth
Vader.” Mr Malnick added.

BP’s chief executive, Tony Hayward was not available for comment today, but was said to be interested in the new job offer because his current job seems to be on slightly dodgy ground at the moment.