Evil BP Chief to Star in Hollywood Blockbuster

LOUISIANA - USA - Studio executives for Warner Bros have flown down to the oil disaster area to recruit the English CEO of BP after seeing him on television news stories.

“We need another English baddie in our next movie and when I saw that English dude who is in charge of BP, I said let’s get this evil S.O.B in and get him to fight against Bruce Willis or who’s that other guy? Yeah, I’m thinking maybe that plank of wood Kevin Costner,” Dan Malnick, senior casting executive for Warners told Hollywood Weekly magazine on Tuesday.

English actors are notoriously cast as the ‘bad guys’ in all Hollywood films, and the CEO of BP is no exception to the rule.

“He’s pretty evil I heard, so he’s perfect for the role. He’s got this plummy English accent and he walks around with his brass balls banging between his legs. We’re currently working on Die Hard 56 so he would be perfect for that. American film
audiences love the English accent and
perceive it as characteristic of someone who
is a sophisticated evil genius, much like Hannibal Lector or Darth
Vader.
” Mr Malnick added.

BP’s chief executive, Tony Hayward was not available for comment today, but was said to be interested in the new job offer because his current job seems to be on slightly dodgy ground at the moment.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Reader support keeps the caffeine flowing.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by
    Tags: bphollywood

    Recent Posts

    Labour Mourns Downfall of Leftist Celebrity Hero Russell Brand

    MANCHESTER - England - The far-left and Labour Party are today mourning the downfall of…

    3 days ago

    Convicted Rapist Russell Brand to go to Prison

    LONDON - England - Former celebrity Russell Brand has been convicted of rape.

    4 days ago

    US Midterms: Lame Duck Trump Just Got Ducked in the …

    WASHINGTON - D.C. - There's blood on the cities of America after a midterm election…

    5 days ago

    Why Mission Uncrossable Became a Crash Phenomenon

    LONDON - England - When it comes to crash-style gaming, Mission Uncrossable is making huge…

    6 days ago

    London 2026 – The City of Shit

    LONDON - England - The capital city of Britain was once a great city but…

    1 week ago

    BUDGET SECRETS – Why Labour Needs the Neets

    MANCHESTER - England - It was a great Labour budget yesterday for the NEETS and…

    2 weeks ago

    This website uses cookies.