New FBI Files Reveal Michael Jackson Faked Moonwalk

For years conspiracy theorists and other crazies have been talking about how Michael Jackson faked the moonwalk.

“We’ve been talking about it for frickin’ years. The lighting was all wrong and there were multiple shadows in the footage. We knew it was faked and now these FBI files have proved us right goddamn it,” Lars Emmereich, a conspiracy theorist from Lake Utah told the BBC.

The newly released FBI files reveal that Jackson would perform the moonwalk on a specially designed greased up stage with an intricate network of moving wooden compartments connected to a pulley system. There would be teams of up to thirty stage hands who would pull ropes through trolleys and squirt grease onto the stage so the star could effortlessly seem to glide backwards.

Conspiracy theorists had been posting on websites and bulletin boards on the internet for many years before the amazing revelations came to light yesterday.

“I feel like a whole big weight has been taken off my shoulders. I salute the FBI for this expose, my tinfoil hat nearly fell off when I read it in the papers,” Mr Emmereich added.