New FBI Files Reveal Michael Jackson Faked Moonwalk

LOS ANGELES - USA - Conspiracy theorists were vindicated today after newly released FBI files revealed how the late Michael Jackson faked his famous moonwalk.

For years conspiracy theorists and other crazies have been talking about how Michael Jackson faked the moonwalk.

“We’ve been talking about it for frickin’ years. The lighting was all wrong and there were multiple shadows in the footage. We knew it was faked and now these FBI files have proved us right goddamn it,” Lars Emmereich, a conspiracy theorist from Lake Utah told the BBC.

The newly released FBI files reveal that Jackson would perform the moonwalk on a specially designed greased up stage with an intricate network of moving wooden compartments connected to a pulley system. There would be teams of up to thirty stage hands who would pull ropes through trolleys and squirt grease onto the stage so the star could effortlessly seem to glide backwards.

Conspiracy theorists had been posting on websites and bulletin boards on the internet for many years before the amazing revelations came to light yesterday.

“I feel like a whole big weight has been taken off my shoulders. I salute the FBI for this expose, my tinfoil hat nearly fell off when I read it in the papers,” Mr Emmereich added.

Do you value freedom?

SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB We fight for freedom, justice, satire and coffee. DUE TO THE NATURE OF OUR JUVENALIAN SATIRE WE CAN ONLY SURVIVE BY DONATIONS. PLEASE CONSIDER DONATING. THANK YOU.
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by

Recent Posts

Comrade Starmer is No Friend of Meddling Capitalist Enemy the USA

GRIMSDALE - England - Comrade Starmer speaks about the enemy of the People's Republic of…

22 hours ago

Trump Issues “Ultimate Bro-Mance Pardon” to Putin, Claims Ukraine Invasion Was Just “Borrowing Crimea for a Home Renovation”

MAR-A-LAGO - USA - President Donald Trump has issued a pardon to Vladimir Putin in…

1 day ago

New Analysis Predicts the Green Economy Will Exceed $7 Trillion Annually by 2030

GENEVA - Switzerland - A newly released report by the World Economic Forum reveals that…

3 days ago

“An OBR official who revealed the lies told by Reeves and Starmer has been liquidated”

LONDON - England - The head of the OBR has been liquidated and processed into…

3 days ago

A Day in the Life of a Woman in Labour’s Benefits Britain

ESSEX - England - Thanks to Labour's budget, taxpayers will foot the bill for more…

4 days ago

GameZone Casino Popularity Grows Across Online Communities

MANILA - Philippines - GameZone Casino is growing in popularity across many online communities as…

4 days ago

This website uses cookies.