Russell Brand Stews the Trews Cuz He’s the Hypocritical Muse

Our favourite champagne socialist and consummate capitalist, Russell Brand tells his fawning audience of easily fooled brainwashed socialists what the truth is about something or rather.

“It’s all about me, me, me innit. I’ve got a responsibility I ‘ave to be on the telly and tell you a porky or three. Listen, I may be rich, worth about £16 million and siphon off money offshore so I don’t pay the tax man, but I’ve got to save the poor people, you know the ones I congregate with only in front of cameras. They’re people too innit? When I’m not dining at London’s finest eateries and bangin’ away on some tart I met five minutes ago, I like to think I’m the voice of the salt of the earth. The fact that I have a book launch party to attend with some fat walleted businessman afterwards is neither here nor there, it’s capitalism innit, it stinks but I have to pay the £8,000 per month rent and all that. How would I pay for my champagne lifestyle if I didn’t have a business adviser, accountant, offshore financier, personal stockbroker and a multitude of marketing men, public relations advisers, media analysts? I got this woman who cleans my flat every day, can’t remember her name, pay her six quid an hour, the other day I caught her nicking my £24,000 Rolex from my bedside table, I said ‘ere what you doing? She had this poor look on her face, maybe because she was poor, so I called the cops on her and had the old hag arrested for theft, just doin’ my bit for us champagne socialists. Anyway, I’ve got a board meeting in five minutes in the City, how’s about you let me get there in my chauffeur driven Mercedes.”