Stocks Surge By 0.003% Again

NEW YORK - USA - Stocks were up 0.003% this morning after an incredible rise of 0.002% yesterday and by 2pm they were down slightly by 0.0001%.

“We definitely feel that the recovery is happening right now as we speak,” a Hedge Fund manager told Reuters.

Traders at the New York Stock Exchange were just as excited as everyone else.

“Someon’e buying this shit, don’t know who but hey, who am I to complain?” a trader said with a big smile on his face.

By the closing bell, the S&P had at one point increased by 0.0004% on the day’s trading but pulled back a little.

“Same thing tomorrow but it might go down a little then up a bit, or even stay kind of flat,” another trader quipped.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Reader support keeps the caffeine flowing.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    LAMMY: Mandem to be Released Early

    LONDON - England - Labour Justice Secretary David Lammy is to release up to 6,000…

    21 hours ago

    15th Five-Year Plan: What China’s Development Means to the World

    DALIAN - China - The World Economic Forum meeting is upbeat about China’s 15th Five-Year…

    1 day ago

    When Mother Earth Speaks Humans Still Do Not Listen

    CARACAS - Venezuela - A 7.5 magnitude earthquake is a small reminder that humans are…

    2 days ago

    Unelected Comrade Burnham Ushering New Era of Communism

    MANCHESTER - England - Unelected Comrade Burnham has destroyed the last vestiges of democracy as…

    4 days ago

    People’s Republic of Soviet Britain Urgent Bulletin Regarding Comrade Starmer

    MANCHESTER - England - Good news comrades. Comrade Starmer has been apprehended and made into…

    5 days ago

    “Comrades, they are coming for me on Monday! This is it!”

    UNDISCLOSED LOCATION - Comrade Starmer has revealed in a communique that a dastardly coup is…

    6 days ago

    This website uses cookies.