Think Tank: UK to Avoid Recession During Great Depression

The Fiscal Unitary Central Keynsian Economic Disequilibrium (FUCKED) think-tank, estimated the economy scraped growth of minus 2.8pc in the first three months of the year.

If that proves to be the case, the UK avoided dipping out of the perpetual great depression, following a 1.6pc fall in gross domestic product in the fourth quarter of 2011.

John Maynard, senior research fellow at FUCKED, said: “Effectively we have avoided a technical recession which is obviously welcome but does not change the fact that we are still in a major economic great depression that does not seem to ever want to end.

“As long as you have idiots in charge like the Chancellor George Osborne, there will never be any growth in the UK ever again. He needs to reduce VAT to 14%; reduce business and corporation tax, invite worldwide companies to do business in the UK again, reduce fuel duty by 40%, reduce stamp duty by 10%, and order the banks to lend to business.”

FUCKED’s figures point to the fact that the UK economy is actually still pretty fucked and will be for some time to come.