High Earners Told to Just Hand Over the Cash

High earners were fearing the worst today after Anti-business Secretary Vince Cable told everyone to hand over all their cash or there would be trouble.

“If you’ve got a flat or even a house with a garden, you are considered rich, therefore we want you to hand over your money to the state as soon as possible so we can redistribute your wealth to the poor. If you have a job, that means you’re rolling in it mate, and if you’ve got a successful business, just hand over the dosh you rich bastard. Make it easy on yourselves, no hankie pankie now,” Mr Cable said in a Daily Mirror interview.

Deputy PM Nick Clegg added: “We need more cash, innit. This is a money grab, a bit like legalised mugging. So, hand over your money or we’ll put you in prison you rich fuckers. Oh shit, I’m rich too, ah thank god I’m an MP and exempt.”

Labour’s shadow chancellor, Ed Balls, said he liked to see a good rich soaking session, so he was backing the Lib Dems all the way.

Don’t worry Mr Cable, there are no high earners on the Daily Squib staff, so you can take your anti-business, anti-enterprise demands elsewhere, thank you very much.