Fed Pumping Economy Like Crazy

Bernanke, the Fed Chairman, has straddled the U.S. economy from behind and stormed the trenches for all his worth.

“He’s shooting cash into the economy. He grabbed it by its haunches and started pumping like a dog on heat. Hopefully, the cash explosion is going to splatter the honey pot and some seeds of growth are going to spurt wildly all over the big cash depository. You see folks, the economy is like a woman who hasn’t been donut creamed for a very, very long time. We need to get back in there balls deep and smack away until she starts up her engines again. Soon, we’ll have her purring like a kitten — you’ll see!” U.S. Fed. spokesman, Al Kohol, told CBS news.

“Money Shot“

The amount of cash ejaculated from the printing presses of the Federal Reserve is saturating the big hairy hole in the economy that needs to be filled asap.

“We’re going to fill her up all the way to the top. We’re ‘doing’ her day and night. If it wasn’t for the massive cash dump from our straining full sacks, she’d be starving. She wants more, and more, every time, just like that insatiable nympho in my local supermarket I’m banging at the moment. We’re unloading our sacks into the economy until she can’t take no more,” Mr Kohol reiterated.

Economist and author of ‘Filling that Big Cash Hole’, Robert C. Spanner, recently wrote in an article in the New York Times: “The economy has got a big hole in it. That’s why the Fed is now pumping cash into the hole until the hole gets filled up with cash and trickles down its legs. Sometimes, the hole is too big to fill, that’s why you gotta have big sacks full of cash to spurt into the hole. No use yackin’ on the economies face or jugs, we need to slap the cash in that big pink hole so that the cash seed will propagate. Do you understand now?”