Sex Pistols Corporate Financial Come-Back Revenue Tour

We meet in the plush offices of the Sex Pistols media conglomerate empire to talk to senior executive John Lydon about the forthcoming monetary concert Audit Documentation Period.

Mr Lydon speaks with authority on the subject of his vision for the punk genre and his group. “The period up to the financial half yearly accountancy point has yielded great dividends and mature annuity within the aforementioned procedural revenue collection exercise.”

We then ask Mr Lydon for his thoughts on how the Sex Pistols within the punk movement has progressed since the 70’s. “I had a board meeting last night on this exact same issue. The Pistols are committed to high standards of corporate governance. The board considers that the punk movement and specifically the Sex Pistols has complied throughout the years with the code provisions set out in section 1 of the AGM EMI manual and the Revised Code of Corporate Governance which was issued in July 1977 to July 2007 (‘the code’), except as regards the length of Directors’ service contracts, which is discussed in the Renumeration report on pages 47 and 48, and the combination of the roles of Chairman and Chief Executive.”

Cross Collateralisation

It seems John Lydon who once shouted ‘Anarchy in the UK’ and rejected all corporate mores has firmly embraced the ways of the corporation in middle age.

The Sex Pistols, who once were purveyors of large globules of spittle and hatred to all that was associated with mass control systems and consumerist banality, are now just like any other corporate entity.

Sell Out?

We ask Lydon if he thinks he sold out.

“As
Chairman of the Sex Pistols franchise, my corporate team of Glen
Matlock, Paul Cook and Steve Jones are all beneficiaries to the holy
compilation report. We do not have any souls anymore and are now part
of the bottom-sniffing financial jargon spouting suit-brigade which we fought so hard
against in the early days.”

The Sex Pistols are planning to open a Sex Pistols theme park in the Hollywood Hills in December and are currently conducting a revenue collection exercise (touring).

The Sex Pistols will also be appearing on ‘Ant and Decs Celebrity Phone Rip-Off’ this Saturday on ITV1. To vote for who wins the cheque for £2 million – Ant or Dec – CALL 08981 2345 3873 Calls cost £485/minute. No need to consult the owner of the phone line before calling in.