“Comrades, we are completely defenceless!”

Comrades, thanks to my policies, I have spent all of your money and have nothing to show for it. Furthermore, there is no money left to defend the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain if it were attacked tomorrow. This is okay with the Labour Party because if there was a war with Russia, they would most probably use nuclear weapons; therefore, no one would survive anyway. Unlike Nordic and Scandinavian countries, which have built extensive shelters for their populations, the PRSB has neglected this tactic and in a war would simply expect everyone to be blown up and irradiated.

The good news is that if China, the EU or North Korea invaded the PRSB, we would surrender immediately because they are fellow communists. The Russians, however, are fascists; therefore, they do not align with our political ideological slant.

If we were invaded by Islamic Marxist Jihadists, we would do nothing about it because we have already been invaded and pretty much conquered by them anyway. In fact, I just ate some Halal meat and watched a load of Jihadists march through Downing Street demanding the right to more public beheadings.

WHAT TO DO DURING AN INVASION OR ATTACK

1. PRAISE ALLAH!
2. TALK ABOUT INCLUSIVITY, EQUITY AND DIVERSITY IN A NUCLEAR WAR
3. WAVE YOUR LGBTQP FLAG IN DEFIANCE
4. GO TO YOUR JOB CENTRE SO YOU DON’T LOSE YOUR BENEFITS
5. REVEL IN THE GLORY OF NET ZERO BEFORE VAPORISATION