Elon Musk to Move Twitter HQ to Mars

HESPERIA PLANUM - Mars - Billionaire Elon Musk, fed up with trivialities like blue check marks, is now planning to move the Twitter HQ to the red planet.

After acquiring the troubled social network Twitter for an overvalued cool $44 billion, space mogul Elon Musk is now planning a move for the company’s headquarters to the planet Mars. This rather drastic move to a planet 87.914 million km from Earth will be quite a challenge for the Twitter CEO.

“Well, it was a toss up actually with Uranus and a few other places, but hey why not Mars? I have so much money, I can do what I fuckin’ want,” the billionaire said from the SpaceX launch zone in Arizona.

Twitter staff will be put on a one-way space journey to Mars, where the Twitter headquarters will be based, Elon Musk’s SpaceX announced today.

Out of sight out of mind

For those remaining back on the planet Earth, once the tweety bird flies, communications will be limited.

“If you send a Tweet from Mars, it will reach Earth in about 5 to 20 minutes depending on planet positions, however communications can also be delayed by the numerous dust storms on the Martian surface,” a SpaceX Twitter scientist revealed.

“See You At The Party, Richter.”

Do you value freedom?

SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB We fight for freedom, justice, satire and coffee. DUE TO THE NATURE OF OUR JUVENALIAN SATIRE WE CAN ONLY SURVIVE BY DONATIONS. PLEASE CONSIDER DONATING. THANK YOU.
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by

Recent Posts

Comrade Starmer is No Friend of Meddling Capitalist Enemy the USA

GRIMSDALE - England - Comrade Starmer speaks about the enemy of the People's Republic of…

23 hours ago

Trump Issues “Ultimate Bro-Mance Pardon” to Putin, Claims Ukraine Invasion Was Just “Borrowing Crimea for a Home Renovation”

MAR-A-LAGO - USA - President Donald Trump has issued a pardon to Vladimir Putin in…

1 day ago

New Analysis Predicts the Green Economy Will Exceed $7 Trillion Annually by 2030

GENEVA - Switzerland - A newly released report by the World Economic Forum reveals that…

3 days ago

“An OBR official who revealed the lies told by Reeves and Starmer has been liquidated”

LONDON - England - The head of the OBR has been liquidated and processed into…

3 days ago

A Day in the Life of a Woman in Labour’s Benefits Britain

ESSEX - England - Thanks to Labour's budget, taxpayers will foot the bill for more…

4 days ago

GameZone Casino Popularity Grows Across Online Communities

MANILA - Philippines - GameZone Casino is growing in popularity across many online communities as…

4 days ago

This website uses cookies.