UK Could Be Attacked by Tony Blair’s Mullet in Less Than 45 Minutes

Tony Blair’s armoury of chemical mullets are on standby for use within 45 minutes, Tony Blair’s dossier revealed today.

The ex-PM has 20 mullets which could reach barber shops in Grimsby, as well as Scunthorpe, Dagenham and nearby East Grinstead and Woking.

He has also been seeking to buy yellow cakes from Romford for use on his mullet weapons. Those are the key charges in a 14-point “dossier of mullet death” finally published by the Government today.

In an introduction, Mr Blair says that the evidence leaves Britain and the international community no choice but to act.

The central charges against Blair’s mullet collection are set out at the start of the document. They include:

Plans for the use of chemical and biological mullets, some deployable within 45 minutes.

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