I’ve Got a Little List, With Apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan

Introducing a political satire poem, kindly submitted to the Daily Squib by Professor Richard E. Vatz.

I’ve Got a Little List, With Apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan

by Richard E. Vatz

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found
I’ve got a little list — I’ve got a little list;
Of society’s polarizers who might well be underground
And who never would be missed — who never would be missed

There’s the peacock-proud MAGA hatters who never question Trump,
And Never-Trumpers who would vote for any kind of lump;
All people who see politics from a single jaundiced side
Who cannot grant a single point and say all their foes just “lied”

And never do they argue points; they simply just insist;
And they’ll none of ’em be missed — they’ll none of ’em be missed

There’s the idiot news pundits who never change their themes
Who feud with everyone who brings up standard solid memes;
And the former funnymen and comic women who now are right or left-wing hacks
Who no longer are funny but get audiences to love attacks
You may put them on the list — you may put them on the list
And they’ll none of ’em be missed — they’ll none of ’em be missed

There’s “woke” actors and actresses who abjure the “actress” tier
And Hollywood predators who freely pinch a rear;
They all know that their left or right is simply right at that
But they are losing their audiences who see that they’re nothing but a brat

For all of them deserve to be put upon the list
For none of them be missed; I’m sure they’ll not be missed.

There’s the pestilential candidate who must have your money now
Who are up against a made-up deadline if not met will have a cow;
And they always say their opponents are made rich by evil donors
When their own supporters turn out to be even wealthier big owners.

And finally there are the Coronavirus experts who pontificate each day
With their dire forecasts or reassuring predictions that never go away;
They are sure as sure can be as to where the scourge is headed
But there are always states and countries whose facts leave the “geniuses” quite shredded

I’ve added them all to my ever-expanding list
I know they’ll not be missed; there’s no way any will be missed.

Professor Vatz is Distinguished Professor at Towson University and Author of The Only Authentic Book of Persuasion: the Agenda-Spin Model (LAD Custom Publishing, 2019) ) and the co-editor of Thomas S. Szasz: the Man and His Ideas (Transaction Publishers, 2017).