BBC TV Licence: Jails Braced For Thousands 75-Year-Olds

SALFORD - England - The decision by the BBC to take away the free TV licence for over 75s will mean an increase in the prison population across the country.

The BBC deciding to take away free TV licences for over 75s has brought up another problem, this time for Britain’s prisons.

“I fought on the beaches of Normandy for my country, and was guaranteed a free TV licence as soon as I passed the age of 75, but now they say I have to pay £155. I would rather go to prison,” Alfie Haynes, 94, said defiantly from his simple retirement flat.

There are hundreds of thousands of equally defiant over 75s who are vying not to pay the extortionate price of a TV licence, because at their age it is something they were owed in the first place.

The BBC insists that if you do not have a TV licence the over 75s will be fined £1000 each and if they do not pay, they will go to jail.

Prison officer, John Kottrel, at Belmarsh Prison, one of the most notorious prisons in England, revealed how they are preparing for the OAP influx.

“The prison service is preparing itself all over the country for hundreds of thousands of over 75s. We have ordered millions of colostomy bags, hearing aids, wheelchairs, and mushy food for the old blighters.”

The good thing about prison is that prisoners don’t have to pay a TV licence and can watch endless hours of repetitive BBC programming: Doctors, repeat. Bargain Hunt, repeat. Garden Rescue, repeat. Pointless, repeat. Flog It, repeat.

Much of the BBC licence fee goes on the salaries of its employees, some are paid as much as £10 million per annum.

“What do I think of these old bastards who don’t pay into my salary, so I can own properties all over the world, have my own private jet, and as many drugs, booze, prostitutes I want? I think they’re a bunch of disgusting old farts, and should think about others once in a while. They broke the law by not paying the licence fee, send them to jail to rot before they drop off. How dare they think they can get away with their crimes. Mumbling old fools! I have to work very hard for six hours a week in the filming studio for my salary, what have they ever done?” one highly paid BBC star belched from his yacht moored off Cannes.

For many old age pensioners, the TV is their only lifeline, and to take that away from them is a certain death sentence. It seems Britain truly does not care for their elders, and once citizens hit a certain age they are punished and shit upon despite what they may have put into the system throughout their lives.