New Film Release: “Captain Trump and the Adventures of Kharg Island”

The latest release from Hollywood just landed, and what a whopper it is. This film makes Indiana Jones look like an episode of the Teletubbies. Captain Trump and the Adventures of Kharg Island will not disappoint, probably the best action adventure movie ever made.

Watching this epic adventure will make your skin crawl; it will have you popping that popcorn in your mouth with a goddamn shovel. Every second includes amazing stunts, gun fights and plenty of monsters to inhabit your nightmares for a month after the movie.

Have you ever seen a six-legged Mullah screeching weird Persian words and crawling up a wall with demonic red eyes that shoot lasers out of them, frying anything in its way? Dinosaurs, bugs, monsters, wraiths, and mullahs galore – they just keep fucking coming.

For Captain Trump, the hero of this picture, it’s like a walk in the park. He dispatches wave after wave of these monsters without even breaking out a sweat.

In one scene, Captain Trump is asked a stupid question by a CNN reporter who suddenly helicopters onto the island. We won’t spoil the scene for you, but it involves Captain Trump, the reporter, and numerous bugs going into places they should not be going into, if you get what we’re hinting at here.

His mission? Ah, who cares about his mission? Just watch the film for the most entertainment you will ever experience.

Captain Trump and the Adventures of Kharg Island will be released in all theatres in April.