John McCain Cryonics Lab Opens in Arizona

ARIZONA - USA - Republican candidate for presidency, John McCain, 98, has opened a Cryonics facility in Scottsdale, Arizona.

The sprightly 98 year old opened the Cryonics facility costing 350 million dollars on Friday after a scheduled stop during his campaign.

Cryonics is the practice of using cold to preserve the life of
a person who can no longer be supported by ordinary medicine. The goal is to
carry the person forward through time, for however many decades or centuries
might be necessary, until the preservation process can be reversed, and the
person restored to full health.

“John knows he doesn’t have much time left so he’s prepared a freezing casket for his body to be interned for the next 200 or so years until they find a way of bringin’ the old fart back. He can then carry on with the US Presidency from where he left off. We don’t even know if there will be an America in 200 years time when the technology is good enough but it’s a chance the Republican

Containers are finally immersed in liquid nitrogen at a temperature of
-196°C for long-term care.

party will have to take,” McCain’s senior campaign advisor, Ronson Tortillo told the assembled press, Friday.

“Mr McCain will be dealt with within 15 minutes of his heart stopping. Once vascular access is established, John will be connected to
a perfusion machine that replaces blood with a chemical solution that prevents
ice formation.
When we have completed all necessary technical and medical procedures Mr McCain will be transferred from the operating room to the cooldown
facility, where cooling to -130°C will take place under computer control.
The result of this process is “vitrification” (solidification without freezing),” Professor Kevin Rowland of the McCain Cryonics
Foundation told assembled reporters.

Under orders from the McCain Cryonics Foundation there will also be a sealed casket interned with the 98 year old.

The titanium casket will hold relevant information and documents informing whoever opens the casket that McCain is the US president elect and whoever is in charge should therefore stand aside as enforced by the constitutional laws of the United States of America.

“The casket will also have the special presidential seal on it so there can be no mistake that someone important is inside,” Tortillo added.

John McCain who is already set to become president in the November elections, has written a thank you letter to the controllers of the Diebold voting machines and has got his wife Cindy to donate more funds to their brimming coffers.

The McCain Cryonics Foundation will only be open to a select few who are willing to pay for the procedure. At today’s cost index the price of the Cryonics procedure is $450,000 and thereafter $250,000 per annum for maintenance.