Stasi Councils to Recruit More Neighbourhood Snoopers

LONDON - England - Stasi councils are recruiting more residents to report anyone who drops litter, fails to recycle their rubbish properly, or who allows their dog to foul the streets.

Stasi officials are increasing the use of fellow Soviet citizens who are reporting traitorous vile enemies of the state who do not follow the Gordon Brown Vision of Eco Tax Change.


Our supreme unelected comrade, Gordon Brown’s speech at the Westminster Duma was greeted with true Soviet spirit yesterday.

“Comrades, I have created a wonderful new tax system wherein I will tax our fellow Soviet citizens even further under the premise of Environmental Eco Quality. Therefore, fellow comrades, you will be deemed a terrorist of the state and re-educated in an Eco-Gulag somewhere in Sector 101 (Soviet Northern England) if you do not follow or pay your state liability. It is the duty of every Soviet citizen to recycle all rubbish yourselves and we will make you pay for the pleasure of this as well. I have ordered extra politburo officials to train more council Stasi officials to train more Soviet citizens to spy on their neighbours and report them immediately for terrorist behaviour.”

Comrade Gordon Brown, supreme unelected leader, then went on to say: “Even though it is the Soviet collectivised factories which have plundered the earth’s resources for big business, oil, war, power and greed causing this environmental disaster in the first place; we are going to make the plebiscite pay in tax and make them feel like it is their fault. You see, comrades, it is because of your very existence that you will have to now pay for breathing every breath under the Soviet system. While I was lavishing in my modest Southwold dacha, I was formulating new ways of increasing tax, of punishing the prole masses for the next two years even more than they are being punished every day now.

“I, as your unelected leader, have been told of the vile plots against my supreme control. I have been informed of the traitorous terrorists who have tried to take the reigns of power away from ME, the supreme Soviet, your benevolent leader and comrade. You will be made to believe that there is only one solution to all of the problems created by me. You will listen to the repetition and you will understand that your freedom is a prison created by me for you to obey my Vision of Change.

“Traitors like that little pipsqueak David Miliband, I want him to be made an example of. The plebiscite, I know you are listening and believe you me we are listening to you — yes, I have ordered an increase in numbers of listening devices, CCTV, traffic cameras, surveillance, financial tracking, fingerprinting, DNA and eco-indoctrination. Of course all of these measures are there to ensure the safety of all Soviet citizens and are for your benefit.” (Rapturous applause ring out from the assembled Comrades and Bolshevik heroes)

Citizens are ordered in all sectors to report any neighbour or even members of their own family for thoughtcrimes, speech crimes and eco-crimes to local Stasi officials who will then arrest and detain the terrorists immediately.

Currently sector 23 and 341 are experiencing backlog problems dealing with terrorists so please stay calm if you are awaiting arrest. You cannot run so do not even try.

Comrades, our supreme unelected commander, Comrade Brown, is offering an increase of one block of chocolate ration to anyone who reports an enemy eco-terrorist to the state.

An honorary mention must be made to John Fetherwaite, 12, (sector 18) who reported his father to the relevant Stasi office for not recycling an egg carton and a teabag. The eco-terrorist, Alan Fetherwaite, 49, was detained in Eco-Gulag 3425 for re-education. He will be due for a review in 42 years.

Remember comrades, be on the lookout for terrorists and enemies of Comrade Brown’s Soviet Era of British Change.

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