15 Yr Old Boy Awarded ASBO For AK-47 Shooting Skills

MANCHESTER - England - Home Secretary Jacqui Smith today awarded a fifteen year old boy an ASBO in recognition for his shooting skills on the public rail system.

Archaeologists Find Preserved Mummy in Milan

MILAN - Italy - A tattooed mummy has been found in Milan which archaeologists say is one of the best-ever relics of a civilisation that ended more than 1,300 years ago.

Bush’s Radioactive Dinner Jacket Party Plan in Iran

WASHINGTON DC - George W Bush and French President Nicolas Psychozy are scheduled to attend a dinner jacket ball on a sinking oil tanker in Iran's Strait of Hormuz soon.

China: 4 MPH Road Speed Limit Upgraded to 6 MPH

BEIJING - China - Journey times on Chinese roads have been cut drastically by radical Government initiatives.
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Alan Greenspan Admits Iraq War was Really for Oil

WASHINGTON DC - There was shock in America as elder statesman of finance Alan Greenspan made these startling claims in a new biography.

Northern Rock to be Renamed Northern Pebble

NEWCASTLE - England - Adam Applegarth, the Chief Executive of the Northern Rock Bank, has agreed to proposals for changing the company name to Northern Pebble.

General Petraeus Updates George W Bush on Successful US Defeat in Iraq

ANBAR PROVINCE - Iraq - The Americans have declared The Surge a victory for US failure in Iraq. The US is now officially winning the defeat and have proudly proclaimed success in losing the war.

New Study Reveals Junk Food Bad for You

SCUNTHORPE - England - According to a new study by an independent research group, junk food is not good for you.

Mothers Warned as Number of Brain-Damaged (FAS) Babies Doubles

LONDON - England - Experts have warned that the number of children born with Foetal Alcohol Syndrome has doubled in Britain.

Britney Eats Big Mac During MTV Performance

Britney Spears made a spectacular return to showbusiness last night when she performed at the MTV awards by consuming a supersize Big Mac meal and a large tub of chocolate ice cream whilst simultaneously miming to her new smash hit song.