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Al Qaeda Leaders Praise Obama on Record U.S. Deficit
A CAVE - Pakistan Border Region - Senior Al Qaeda terrorists have heaped praise on President Barack Obama for taking America's economy back to the stone age and beyond.
Clinton Wants New Shirt From Bush
PORT AU PRINCE - Haiti - In what was supposed to be a show of solidarity in a devastated country, Bill Clinton and George W Bush have been reduced to bickering over trivial matters much to the embarrassment of their handlers.
WORD CUP 2016
Celebrity Who Was NOT Hacked to Sue News of the World
LONDON - England - An unnamed celebrity who was not hacked by Rupert Murdoch's News of the World newspaper is to sue for not having their phone conversations hacked resulting in serious loss of celebrity credibility.
Home Remedies for Common Aches
LONDON - England - When you experience pain, your only mission is to stop it as fast as possible.
AA Chief Falls Off Cliff
BASINGSTOKE - England - The AA has announced it has fired its executive chairman Bob Mackenzie for ‘gross misconduct’ with immediate effect.
WRC Rally Cup
Murdoch: “Don’t You Dare Tell the Truth Mr Scarfe”
LONDON - England - Questions, questions, questions. Like, why is it OK to be anti-Arab, anti-Muslim, anti-Christian, anti-Palestinian but as soon as anyone so much as says something vaguely critical about the Israeli government or Jewish people they are immediately silenced, told they are anti-semitic, and erased from all forms of media?
BBC to Replace Top Gear Presenter Clarkson With Married Lesbian Feminist Asylum Seeker
SCUNTHORPE - England - The BBC already has a replacement for the erstwhile fracas prone Jeremy Clarkson.
Conman Outrages Veterans at Military Parade
BEDWORTH - England - A hunt was underway today for a conman who outraged veterans by turning up to march in a Remembrance Day parade with an "impossible" array of medals.
CYCLING TOUR
Carmel Antique Dealer: "Clint Eastwood Shot My Chair Up"
CARMEL - USA - An antique dealer in Clint Eastwood's adopted town is furious after a prized wooden chair was shot up and ruined by the actor.
Gérard Depardieu Eats Vladimir Putin
SARANSK - Russia - Gérard Depardieu has eaten the Russian president, Vladimir Putin, the Kremlin announced Saturday, after the French film star had a sudden hunger pang during an impromptu visit to escape a millionaires tax from his homeland.
Melania: When Donald Farts He is Always a Gentleman
WASHINGTON D.C. - USA - Melania Trump has revealed in a Hello magazine exclusive that the president has a problem with flatulence, especially during important meetings.
Obama: “Midwest America Cannot Escape Obamafication”
NEVADA - USA - President Obama has ordered the confiscation of much of Midwest America.
Wall Street Bankers Arrested in Dawn Raid
NEW YORK - USA - Police wearing helmets and carrying shields early on Tuesday began to clear the Wall Street financial district, where thousands of bankers and traders work.
TENNIS
Ed Balls: ‘This is the Worst Haircut for Over 100 Years’
LONDON - England - Ed Balls, the PM's closest ally, finally comes clean about his ferociously awful haircut and says the impact will last 15 years.
Comrade Darling’s Wonderful Tax Gifts for the People
LONDON - England - The Soviet Chancellor of the Collectivized State Economy today triumphantly announced some astounding tax cuts for the peasants, proles and high ranking Soviet party officials.
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Britain Must Repeal the 1972 European Communities Act Immediately
LONDON - England - We must stop dilly dallying around. Brexit means Brexit. Leave means Leave. Repeal the 1972 European Communities Act Immediately.
How to Walk On the Pavement in Europe
BARCELONA - Spain - Nowhere is safe any more thanks to the uncaring EU Commission and their ridiculous Schengen zone.
Barcelona Schengen Terrorist Massacre: No Comment
SCHENGEN ZONE - EU - The Schengen zone extends from Calais, France to the outer edges of Europe where a steady level of traffic from all over the Middle East, Africa and South East Asia crosses into it on a daily basis.
Game of Thrones Peter Dinklage Eaten By Husky On Set
IRELAND - Filming for Game of Thrones episode eight was halted momentarily after actor Peter Dinklage was eaten whole by a husky dog on set on Wednesday.
Bonnie Tyler to be Resurrected From the Dead For Total Eclipse
FLORIDA - USA - Eighties pop starlet, Bonnie Tyler, who can literally make paint peel with her voice, has been recruited to sing on a Caribbean cruise ship for the total eclipse which will take place on August 21.
Kim Jong-un ‘No Longer Seen as God’ By North Koreans
PYONGYANG - N. Korea - Despotic communist leader, Kim Jong-un is no longer worshipped in North Korea by his people.
Wiping Out History: The Charlottesville Communist Agenda
CHARLOTTESVILLE - USA - The removal of historical iconic statues, like General E. Lee are an affront to history and the story of the human condition.
Juncker Planning Trip to Moon 124 Billion Euros One Way
BRUSSELS - Belgium - Jean Claude Juncker and his team have been caught spending 500,000 euros of EU taxpayers money on two months of luxury travel. But that's not the end of it..
Disney Streaming Another Nail In Hollywood Coffin
LOS ANGELES - USA - With cinemas seeing less and less viewers, streaming on the internet has now become king.
Music Biz: The Wailing Lament of Sinead O’Connor
NEW JERSEY - USA - O woe, the wailing sound of Sinead O'Connor spews itself across the internet, an amalgamation of self-pity, lost stardom and synapses firing in all directions at the same time.
Analyst: Why ISIS Was Doomed to Failure
VIRGINIA - USA - Retired military analyst, Joseph Dresden, reveals the major flaw that will see ISIS eventually defeated.
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Bush Restrained after Talking to God on Flight to Heathrow
WASHINGTON DC - USA - George W Bush on a Heathrow-bound presidential flight had to be dragged from his presidential chair and handcuffed after suffering an apparent mental breakdown in mid-air, it emerged yesterday.
