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Saturday, January 19, 2019
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Putin: “I Should Have Moved My Money Out First”

MOSCOW - Russia - President, Vladimir Putin, is currently moving his troops away from the Ukrainian border, or so he claims.

Beyonce: “I Did Have Musical Relations With That President”

WASHINGTON D.C. - USA - Pop singer Beyonce has announced she is writing a song about president Barack Obama.

Daily Squib Newspaper Billion Pound BoE and US Fed. Rescue Plea

LONDON - England - The Daily Squib newspaper is requesting billions of pounds from the Bank of England and US Federal Reserve so that it can keep churning out more diabolical nonsense onto the internet.

Saudi Arabia Bans the French Beret

RIYADH - Saudi Arabia - One of the most prominent Islamic countries in the Middle East has taken drastic steps to thwart the Christian 'Frenchification' of its populace by banning the French beret cap, the Saudi Culture Minister has announced.

Britain Plans On Going Back to Age of Horse and Cart

MACCLESFIELD - England - Government ministers were today set to visit parts of the UK where the new Horse and Cart plans will be realised.

From Now On All Private Emails Will Be Public Says Obama

WASHINGTON DC - USA - In a new transparency drive by the White House and in the wake of the NSA snooping row, President Obama has vowed to make all private emails, social media conversations and telephone calls public.

Boycott the Pumps or Suffer the Consequences

LONDON - England - With fuel duty making up over 70% of the price of petrol in the UK, all it takes is a little unrest in the Middle East to take the petrol price increase to unbelievable levels.

US Allows Heteros to Openly Serve in Navy

WASHINGTON DC - USA - President Barack Obama signed into law the repeal of the Navy's 'Don't ask, don't tell' policy, thereby allowing straight people to openly serve in the Navy.

Obama Turning to Witch Doctors For Economic Advice

WASHINGTON DC - USA - An increasingly desperate Barack Obama has ordered twelve witch doctors from Kenya to be flown to the White House, CNN has reported.
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Science: Why Biological Women Could be Superseded in Future

STOCKHOLM - Sweden - The rise of feminism and misandry amongst today's women could be the advent of a future with no biological women left, a team of scientific thinkers and technologists revealed on Sunday.

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We’re Off to Tony Blair’s House For Dinner

LONDON - England - It's not often you get an invitation to Tony Blair's house, but in the interests of satire and some free grub, we're up for it.

Teenage Murderers To Be Let Off If They Say Sorry Under...

LONDON - England - Teenage murderers, cut throats, slashers and shooters will escape any punishment if they agree to say sorry 'on the spot' under a proposed scheme.

George W. Bush: “But..but, there are no WMDs in Ukraine!”

TEXAS - USA - George W. Bush, the former president of the United States has spoken against the Russian invasion of the Crimea, Ukraine.

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