GENEVA - Switzerland - Swiss prosecutor, Ingval Kronstein was shocked on Friday when corrupt FIFA boss Sepp Blatter tried to hand him a brown envelope overflowing with cash.
LONDON - England - The Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn is mobilising his Marxist army of remainers to protest against Brexit happening.
MIAMI - USA - After a highly agreeable seminal phone call with Russian president Vladimir Putin, pop star Elton John is amassing his entourage and luxury travel bags for the long journey to Russia.
LONDON - England - According to humourless feminazis and their unbridled levels of politically correct outrage on social media, all male scientists should now be sacked from their professions.
LONDON - England - Buckingham Palace has confirmed that Jeremy Clarkson is to be Sainted, Knighted and given the Nobel Peace Prize all at the same time.
ESSEX - England - Ex X-Factor judge Tulisa Contostavrosopoulos is to perform one of her usual tricks on a judge for her new court case so she can get off a drugs rap, she has told the Sun newspaper.
LONDON - England - Ailing unelected PM Gordon Brown showed his relief today after the High Court relaxed its rules on prosecuting those who assist in suicides.
WASHINGTON D.C. - USA - President Obama is causing some serious ripples across the pond with his order that the Eurozone capitulates to Greek blackmail and gives the country debt relief, even though creditors took a 50% haircut in 2013 already.
LONDON - England - There was shock in the world of football as it was discovered that a footballer slept with another footballer's girlfriend.
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CONSTANTA - Romania - The EU has once again miscalculated the ingenuity and tenacity of migrants wishing to reach the hallowed European countries who hold an open door policy.
LONDON - England - The European project can only work if the UK is at the forefront of the single currency and EU government.
BRUSSELS - Belgium - Once again, Theresa May has gone to the EU to beg desperately with her masters for a reprieve to her Irish backstop mess.