Britney’s Yorkshire Terrier Rescued

LOS ANGELES - CA - Animal cruelty campaigners PETA are about to rescue Britney's Yorkshire Terrier dog Toto.

Gordon Brown Rewards Proles with £5 per Gallon Pledge

LONDON - England - Comrade Gordon Brown has introduced new increases of only 2p in fuel duty to reward the proles and Party officials for backing his unelected leadership.

CCTV Cameras to Spy on CCTV Cameras

LONDON - England - Central Government in Whitehall has approved a scheme to increase CCTV on CCTV spying schemes.

OJ Simpson to Perform Prison Puppet Shows for Inmates

LAS VEGAS - Nevada - OJ Simpson is in training for his forthcoming prison puppet show tour.

Bush to Invade Burma

WASHINGTON DC - WAR ON TERROR LATEST - George W Bush is consulting Halliburton on Burmese oil and gas reserves as well as precise extraction logistics.

Hollywood Drug Shortage Blamed on Coogan

LOS ANGELES - CA - Steve Coogan has caused a massive rift in Hollywood by consuming all the drugs.

Paris Hilton Goes Souvenir Hunting in Rwanda

KIGALI - Rwanda - Paris Hilton arrived yesterday in her private jet on a humanitarian mission to acquire some wonderful souvenirs.

Paul McKenna Promises to Make You Slimmer

GEORGETOWN - Cayman Islands - The television hypnotist promises to make his victims slimmer in the wallet when they pay for a £250 course which has no proven benefits to their health.

Size Minus Four Models In – Size Zero Out

NEW YORK - Size Zero models are now passé according to fashion guru Pablo Shertlefter.

15 Yr Old Boy Awarded ASBO For AK-47 Shooting Skills

MANCHESTER - England - Home Secretary Jacqui Smith today awarded a fifteen year old boy an ASBO in recognition for his shooting skills on the public rail system.