Ricky Hatton to Join Labour Party Leadership Contest

MANCHESTER - England - Conservative party shadow cabinet members were licking their lips at the prospect of another serious contender entering the Labour leadership contest.

Obama Seen Walking on Surface of White House Pond

WASHINGTON DC - USA - President Barack Obama was seen by witnesses walking on the surface of the White House's back garden pond it has been reported.

Are Bankruptcies the New ASBOs?

LONDON - England - According to government appointed trend experts, going bankrupt is the next cool thing after ASBOs.

Scientists Baffled After Analysing Mexican Flu Virus

LONDON - England - British scientists at the Health Protection Agency's high containment laboratories in Tottenham, north London, have discovered a serious anomaly within the Mexican swine virus' genetic structure.

New Police Training Game Unveiled

LOS ANGELES - USA - Recruits for the LAPD will be expected to train with the new simulator from next month says Chief Commandant Rodney Prince.

Gordon Brown: "Fear Levels Not High Enough"

LONDON - England - Unelected leader of the British Soviet people, Gordon Brown, is relishing the introduction of the swine flu virus into the British population.

Swine Flu Latest: Sir Fred Goodwin Spotted in Mexico

ACAPULCO - Mexico - That old swine and supreme swindler of the British taxpayer, ex-RBS boss, Sir Fred Goodwin has been located in a Mexican resort living 'la vida porko'.

Moon Landing Warehouse Up For Sale

NEVADA - USA - It seems the credit crunch has also not been very kind to the owners of the original warehouse where the moon landings were filmed; as the huge 95,000 sq foot warehouse has finally been put up for sale.

Comrade Darling's Brain Drain Budget Ensures Mass Defections

LONDON - England - Comrade Darling's 50% tax band hike has prompted many of the highly educated and skilled to flee Britain.

Rise of Tescoism Threatens World

LONDON - England - The gradual rise of Tescoism across the world is worrying nations who have not yet been invaded by Tesco and who are fighting to keep the Tesco regime out of their countries.