Ed Balls: ‘This is the Worst Haircut for Over 100 Years’

LONDON - England - Ed Balls, the PM's closest ally, finally comes clean about his ferociously awful haircut and says the impact will last 15 years.

Captured on Camera: Madonna Meets Up With Secret Grandson

NEW YORK - USA - The 56 year old grandmother, Madonna, finally met up with her secret grandson after many years, the Daily Squib Exclusive Report can reveal.

'Rewards for Failure' Culture is Over Claims Brown

LONDON - England - Prime Minister Gordon Brown has today vowed to get rid of city workers who are rewarded for failure with big bonuses.

Valentine’s Day Heart Transplants All the Rage

LOS ANGELES - USA - Californian heart surgeons are set to work overtime this coming Valentine's Day with a mass of heart transplantation operations.

Barack Obama’s Maiden Flight on Air Force One Goes Well

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Barack Hussein Obama boarded his presidential plane with his wife Michelle today for the first time.

Jeremy Clarkson to be Sainted, Knighted and Given Nobel Peace Prize

LONDON - England - Buckingham Palace has confirmed that Jeremy Clarkson is to be Sainted, Knighted and given the Nobel Peace Prize all at the same time.

Germans Could Have Defeated Britain With Snow in WW2

BERLIN - Germany - Hitler was planning to defeat Britain in World War II by utilising a fleet of snow machines, historians for Berlin's Institute of Nazi History have revealed after secret plans were discovered on an excavated site.

Christian Bale Yoga Instructional Video Big Success

LOS ANGELES - USA - Christian Bale, the actor and supreme lovey of lovey's, has created a Yoga instructional video that is blowing the Hollywood acting set for six.

Italian to be Brought In to Replace Mandelson

GRIMSBY - England - Aye, it's cold up North. But it's going to get even chillier in the next few days when an Italian politician will takeover from Lord Mandelson.

US Ganja Olympics Underway After Explosive Opening Ceremony

MIAMI - USA - The United States has been gripped with bong fever as the 2009 Ganja Olympics finally got underway yesterday.