Balls to Sing Castrato

LONDON - England - It's balls to the wall as Ed Balls volunteers to sing as a castrato at the Labour conference choir next week.

Tories Relief After Brown Stays

LONDON - England - There was a collective sigh of relief from the Conservative party after Gordon Brown clung onto his job as unelected leader of the ruling Labour regime.

Exclusive Footage of Amy Winehouse Rehearsing in St Lucia Released

GARRAND - St Lucia - Famous pop starlet Amy Winehouse, who now owns a luxury home on the Caribbean island, has released exclusive snippets of her rehearsing for her upcoming new album.

Comrade Smith: "My Job Is Done Here"

LONDON - England - Comrade Jacqui Smith, who has been instrumental in bringing Britain into the new era of surveillance and Stasi control, is to leave her post after completing her unholy task.

MP Arrested After Stealing From Blind Beggar

LONDON - England - A prominent member of parliament has been arrested today at Euston train station after stealing a blind beggar's money, a Met spokesman has revealed.

Prince Harry Plays Polo in New York Celebrity Charity Match

NEW YORK - USA - Celebrities flocked to see Prince Harry play in a polo match yesterday.

Gordon Brown to Put P45 on Expenses

LONDON - England - Unelected leader of the Labour government, Gordon Brown is preparing to put his P45 on his expense sheet Westminster pundits are claiming.

Tory MP Caught Paying Tax

LONDON - England - There has been shock in the House of Commons when a Tory MP was discovered to have paid capital gains tax on his third manor house.

Windsors to Invade Normandy D-Day Beach

WINDSOR - England - The British Royal family are preparing for a beach assault on the beaches of Normandy, a senior palace spokesman has announced.

No Oil In North Korea Says U.S.

WASHINGTON DC - USA - A spokesman for the Pentagon has announced that U.S. forces will not be invading N. Korea any time soon because there is no oil there.