Heather Mills Grows Third Leg

LOS ANGELES - CA - Heather Mills McCartney has grown an additional leg in an astonishing discovery today at a Strictly Come Dancing filming session.

Comrade Brown Provides New Homes for Proles

KENT - England - Our Supreme unelected Commander in Chief, Comrade Gordon Brown, has today announced the building of new homes for prole workers on previously protected plush Green Belt countryside land.

Christmas Comes Early in Iraq This Year

RAMADI - Iraq - Santa Claus delivered some early Christmas presents to some Iraqi children yesterday.

Royal Blackmail Video Shocker

LONDON - England - The British Royal family is today reeling from potentially damaging news that may be leaked to the press.

Sex Pistols Corporate Financial Come-Back Revenue Tour

LOS ANGELES - CA - John Lydon AKA Johnny Rotten lead singer of seminal punk group the Sex Pistols expounds on the group's corporate and financial Adjusted Gross Income Revenue projections.

Pavarotti Wrote Secret Opera

MODENA - Italy - Luciano Pavarotti wrote a large operatic masterpiece before he died in September 2007. The secret opera was discovered in a vault deep in the depths of his luxury villa on the Adriatic coast in Italy.

George W Bush Secures Six-Figure Book Deal

WASHINGTON DC - George W Bush has secured a huge six-figure publishing deal to write a book after he leaves office in 2009.

Comrade Gordon Brown Cleanses Britain of Sovereignty

BRUSSELS - Belgium - Our supreme unelected leader Comrade Brown has cleansed Britain of centuries of British democratic rights and sovereignty by handing all power and laws to the New World Order Single-Party unelected state of the European Union bloc.

Lady Mucca Heather Mills Running Around in Circles

LONDON - England - Heather Mills is aiming to put her best foot forward and make Paul McCartney stump up more cash for their divorce in the High Courts.

US Meets Mass Killing Targets in Iraq

Washington DC - Vice President Cheney and George W Bush were rejoicing today after meeting the mass killing targets of Iraqi civilians set in 2003.

Labour Government to Ban Guns in UK

LONDON - England - Home Secretary Jacqui Smith today announced a new law to ban dangerous handguns and machine guns in the UK.

Comrade Brown and Darling Vision of Change Policies Announced

LONDON - England - Comrade Brown's people's chancellor, Comrade Darling, yesterday set out the 'Vision of Change' for Britain.

Unelected Supreme Comrade Gordon Brown Delays Non-Election

LONDON - England - Our Supreme Comrade and unelected Commander, Gordon Brown, declares his unending Non-Election for the good of the nation in the New Vision of Change.

Peter Fincham BBC1 Head Displayed at the Tower

LONDON - England - Mr Fincham was beheaded at the Tower of London by order of the Crown for treason yesterday.

Britney’s Yorkshire Terrier Rescued

LOS ANGELES - CA - Animal cruelty campaigners PETA are about to rescue Britney's Yorkshire Terrier dog Toto.

Gordon Brown Rewards Proles with £5 per Gallon Pledge

LONDON - England - Comrade Gordon Brown has introduced new increases of only 2p in fuel duty to reward the proles and Party officials for backing his unelected leadership.

CCTV Cameras to Spy on CCTV Cameras

LONDON - England - Central Government in Whitehall has approved a scheme to increase CCTV on CCTV spying schemes.

OJ Simpson to Perform Prison Puppet Shows for Inmates

LAS VEGAS - Nevada - OJ Simpson is in training for his forthcoming prison puppet show tour.

Bush to Invade Burma

WASHINGTON DC - WAR ON TERROR LATEST - George W Bush is consulting Halliburton on Burmese oil and gas reserves as well as precise extraction logistics.

Hollywood Drug Shortage Blamed on Coogan

LOS ANGELES - CA - Steve Coogan has caused a massive rift in Hollywood by consuming all the drugs.