China: 4 MPH Road Speed Limit Upgraded to 6 MPH

BEIJING - China - Journey times on Chinese roads have been cut drastically by radical Government initiatives.

Alan Greenspan Admits Iraq War was Really for Oil

WASHINGTON DC - There was shock in America as elder statesman of finance Alan Greenspan made these startling claims in a new biography.

Northern Rock to be Renamed Northern Pebble

NEWCASTLE - England - Adam Applegarth, the Chief Executive of the Northern Rock Bank, has agreed to proposals for changing the company name to Northern Pebble.

General Petraeus Updates George W Bush on Successful US Defeat in...

ANBAR PROVINCE - Iraq - The Americans have declared The Surge a victory for US failure in Iraq. The US is now officially winning the defeat and have proudly proclaimed success in losing the war.

New Study Reveals Junk Food Bad for You

SCUNTHORPE - England - According to a new study by an independent research group, junk food is not good for you.

Mothers Warned as Number of Brain-Damaged (FAS) Babies Doubles

LONDON - England - Experts have warned that the number of children born with Foetal Alcohol Syndrome has doubled in Britain.

Britney Eats Big Mac During MTV Performance

Britney Spears made a spectacular return to showbusiness last night when she performed at the MTV awards by consuming a supersize Big Mac meal and a large tub of chocolate ice cream whilst simultaneously miming to her new smash hit song.

Bogeyman Osama Bin Laden True Video Location Revealed

LANGLEY - VA - Osama Bin Laden's recent address engineered to scare more people into accepting the War on Terror has revealed a major flaw in the clandestine filming operation.

Jesus Turned Wine into Water New Study Reveals

JERUSALEM - Israel - An astounding archaeological find has revealed that Jesus of Nazareth was teetotal and changed wine into water instead of water into wine.

Entire UK Population to be Branded

LONDON - England - The whole population and every UK visitor will be branded with an iron, a senior judge has said.

US Finally Reveals Plan for Iraq as Allies Retreat

WASHINGTON DC - On the eve of British forces finally backing away from American military tactics, a top US General has finally revealed a plan for Iraq.

Doctor Who Revives Davros and the Daleks

LONDON - England - Having assimilated everything human, Davros is back with a vengeance to enslave humanity with his evil vile rantings and faux propaganda networks of control.

Camilla Concert Huge Success

Gloucestershire - England - A tribute concert was held last night to celebrate the birthday of Her Royal Highness Camilla.

Thugs and Hoodies Terrified of Receiving ABC from Jacqui Smith MP

LONDON - England - The length and breadth of thug Britain is quivering in fear as terrified hoodie gangsters armed to the teeth are coming to terms with the prospect of receiving an Acceptable Behaviour Contract (ABC) from Jacqui Smith MP.

Only Five Pupils Fail to Gain ‘A Grades’ in UK A-Levels

LONDON - England - A-Level grades this year set another record and were up from 2006 where the 'A grades' were 98%. The year 2007, however, smashed all previous records with only 5 pupils failing in the whole country.

Record Number of Britons Leaving Sinking Ship UK for Better Life...

LONDON - England - With the streets full of feral hoodies intent on violence, Eastern European criminal gangs, no police, horrible weather, the sky high expense of living in misery, overcrowded, overpopulated, high pollution and traffic, chavs, thousands of CCTV cameras and increasing Big Brother society - What is the point in staying in the UK any more?

Doherty Honoured by Queen at Buckingham Palace

LONDON - England - Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II honoured Pete Doherty with an MBE for his services to drug taking and avoiding arrest this afternoon.

Doherty Glad to be Back in Prison

LEYHILL PRISON - England - Pete Doherty is back in jail today. He is glad to be back in the UK prison system and proclaims the crack cocaine and heroin is actually much purer than the street.

No Paparazzi Attend Set-Up Paris Hilton Photo Op!

LOS ANGELES - CA - Only one person witnessed adult film actress Paris Hilton getting into her Bentley on Sunday night after attending a BBQ at a friend's house in Beverly Hills.

Pete Doherty Angry over Winehouse Media Blitz

LONDON - England - Pete Doherty is angry and alone as he spits with venom the words of the newspapers that have now abandoned him.