ANBAR PROVINCE - Iraq - The Americans have declared The Surge a victory for US failure in Iraq. The US is now officially winning the defeat and have proudly proclaimed success in losing the war.
LONDON - England - Experts have warned that the number of children born with Foetal Alcohol Syndrome has doubled in Britain.
LANGLEY - VA - Osama Bin Laden's recent address engineered to scare more people into accepting the War on Terror has revealed a major flaw in the clandestine filming operation.
WASHINGTON DC - On the eve of British forces finally backing away from American military tactics, a top US General has finally revealed a plan for Iraq.
LONDON - England - The length and breadth of thug Britain is quivering in fear as terrified hoodie gangsters armed to the teeth are coming to terms with the prospect of receiving an Acceptable Behaviour Contract (ABC) from Jacqui Smith MP.
LONDON - England - A-Level grades this year set another record and were up from 2006 where the 'A grades' were 98%. The year 2007, however, smashed all previous records with only 5 pupils failing in the whole country.
LONDON - England - With the streets full of feral hoodies intent on violence, Eastern European criminal gangs, no police, horrible weather, the sky high expense of living in misery, overcrowded, overpopulated, high pollution and traffic, chavs, thousands of CCTV cameras and increasing Big Brother society - What is the point in staying in the UK any more?
LONDON - England - Madonna was seen on a Transatlantic flight yesterday. In an age where stars travel in their own private jets, Madonna has made a concerted effort to cut down on her carbon footprint.
ONE of Britain's richest men who is profiting from Asian workers paid less than £4 a day to make clothes for his latest Kate Moss range for Topshop, is looking to improve conditions in the grim factories.