MANCHESTER - England - Under Labour's regime, over 3 million migrants entered Britain, increasing threats of terrorism and crime.
LOS ANGELES - USA - Whichever Warner Bros executive thought it would be wise to spend $175 million on a Guy Ritchie King Arthur flick must be either mad as a box of frogs or as gullible as a Remoaner listening to Tony Blair talking about re-joining the EU.
MAJOR NEWS BREAKING
TOLD YOU SO
LONDON - England - David Bowie is dead, he died today, but at least he didn't have to endure another tube strike.
FLORIDA - USA - Queues of women were stretching for three blocks around an Orlando based lawyers office to claim they had an affair with the multi-millionaire golfer.
LONDON - England - There was fury at a rally in Parliament square yesterday as furious crowds of furious protesters reacted furiously to furious Coalition politicians attending a march that sparked off a lot of fury.
WASHINGTON D.C. - USA - Pope Francis finally met president Barack Obama, two kindred souls in a sea of disorder and chaos that is the world today.
LONDON - England - Ahh, the silence, the sweet silence. Many people were today revelling in beautiful tranquility after all commercial planes were grounded due to volcanic ash in Iceland.
NEWS ON THE HOUR
WASHINGTON DC - USA - The sixteenth president of the United States of America, Abraham Lincoln has been discovered to have had a black father according to historians and scientists working for the Institute of Historical Science which is linked to Harvard university.
WASHINGTON DC - USA - Scientists at the Institute of Historical Research have finally released their findings after five years of dedicated research.