World
British Gastronomy Stays AAA When French Food Now AA
LONDON - England - The French were spitting mad yesterday when their entire gourmet cuisine was downgraded to AA from a previous high of AAA, by the International Gastronomy Institute in Lyons, France. ... Full story
Hague to Hold Fiscal Euro Meeting in Brussels Hotel Room
BRUSSELS - Belgium - Foreign Secretary, William Hague, is eager to spend next weekend thrashing out a solution to the EU with some young Euro politicians in a hotel room. ... Full story
Nick Clegg Fails UK Citizenship Test Could Be Deported
LONDON - England - Deputy prime minister, Nick Clegg, has failed his UK Citizenship Test for the third time and will be removed from the UK, border control officials have revealed. ... Full story
Sarkozy Shows Off His New Hat
BRUSSELS - Belgium - The French president, Nicolas Sarkozy, showed off his new hat yesterday on the eve of a historic EU treaty. ... Full story
Newt Gingrich Opens New Jersey Maggot Farm
NEW JERSEY - USA - Presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich, who was on a campaigning visit from Arkansas, opened the new maggot farm whilst visiting New York state. ... Full story
Benefits Bonanza Means Increase in 3D TV Sales
MACCLESFIELD - England - The Chancellor's 6% increase in benefits payments means that the sales of high tech gadgets and leisure activities will increase thanks to the taxpayer. ... Full story
Union Boss Calls Strikes So He Can Keep £800,000 Pension
LONDON - England - Union boss, Bob Vulture, has called for all of his union members to have a three week strike causing chaos across the nation so he can keep his gold-plated pension scheme. ... Full story
Prince Harry's First Apache Mission Over Pakistan a Success
BAIZAI - Pakistan - Prince Harry has successfully carried out his first mission in the Afghan border region killing up to 28 Pakistani soldiers, reports have confirmed. ... Full story
'Euro' to be Renamed 'Pox' by World Leaders
BRUSSELS - Belgium - The euro currency is to be renamed 'pox' by legislators later on today after a series of high profile meetings between Eurozone leaders and G20 countries. ... Full story
Egyptians Discover Democracy
CAIRO - Egypt - At last, the Egyptian people have finally discovered what they were looking for for so long -- Democracy. ... Full story
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Man Blows Brains Out at Britain's Got Talent Show
LIVERPOOL - England - The audience and judges at the Britain's Got Talent show got more than they bargained for on Monday night when a man took out a revolver and shot himself in the head. ... Full story