The Daily Squib's sub sub editor in chief parks his car in his next door neighbour's front room garage
LONDON – England – Paying car insurance is a costly affair, but do not despair, there are ways to get around the problem, so you will never need to do it ever again.
Let’s see, it’s that time of year again when you get penalised for minor traffic infractions, denting other vehicles and smashing your car through someone’s hedge row all resulting in a massive insurance premium hike. Don’t bother yourself with such twaddle, simply follow some of these tips and you won’t ever have to pay for motor insurance again in your life.
1) Have your vehicle registered in either the EU or anywhere else outside the UK. You won’t need car insurance or be liable for any penalty points ever again.
2) Drive a stolen car. Naturally, we do not condone such actions but no insurance will be needed for this, although if you’re caught by one of the millions of traffic cams around you could be in the shit.
3) If you have a car, sell it immediately. You will never have to pay for car insurance again, no more road tax, MOT, insane fuel prices or rip off repair costs. As of yet walking or taking public transport does not need a licence, but things could change any day as the hard up government and greedy corporations seek even more ways of fleecing the public.
4) Get a scrap piece of paper, draw a few pretty pictures on it, then scribble the words ‘car insurance’ on the top. Voila, you now are insured. You can add as many years of motor insurance as you wish. If you’re stopped by the rozzers simply hand over the document, and don’t forget to smile.
5) Become a member of the royal family, high ranking member of parliament, secret service, celebrity chef, BBC hierarchy or anyone else deemed important. You will never have to pay for anything ever again, let alone poxy car insurance.