Grand opening: Scatology's Flag Building in Clearwater, Florida is set to open this Sunday
CLEARWATER – USA – Forty thousand scatologists are expected to descend on Florida this weekend for the grand opening of a ‘toilet cathedral’ which has been under construction for 15 years.
The $195million Flag Building is a massive seven-story, 477,000-square-foot complex and the tallest building in Clearwater, which is the ‘spiritual headquarters’ of the 59-year-old Scatology religion. There is even a 175 foot high fully functioning toilet bowl on the roof of the monumental building as a dedication to the holy founder of the religion of Scatology, N. Ron Hubbub who sadly died in a terrible toilet accident when some Kretins dragged him screaming down a ceremonial toilet bowl over twenty years ago.
The opening of the building on Sunday will mark the first time Scatologists have had a space to receive ‘Super Toilet’ training – a program developed by the religion’s founder N Ron Hubbub in the 1970s.
“Super Poo Power is a series of spiritual counselling processes designed to give a person amazing butt powers, increase their pushing technique, exercise their bowl shooting skills, and greatly enhance other scatological abilities,” church spokesman Armitage Shanks said in a statement.
Hubbub went further in his description of the program saying: ‘Super Toilet is the answer to a sick, a dying and dead fecal movement…With it we literally revive the dead butt Kretins and Klingons.’
As part of that therapy, members will be spun on an anit-gravity toilet blindfolded to improve their ‘scatoptics’ – Hubbub’s 57 poo senses which include sight, smell, taste, blood circulation, and awareness of toilet function.
Another interesting feature of the building is the circular running toilet located on floor six.
Scatologists use the track for ‘Cause Resurgence Rundown’. Basically they run until they have a movement of enlightenment called ‘Scatission’. Once the diarrhoea starts flowing down the track, Scatologists know they have reached ‘Scatirvana’.