Christmas Flash Mob Rob Shopping Season Starts Early in America

"Ho, ho, ho mufuggas!"

"Ho, ho, ho mufuggas!"

NEW YORK – USA – Thanks to president Barack Obama’s economic prowess, the United States has never had it so good, as the season for shopping is upon us once again.

If you’re in the stock market, you will have reaped the many benefits of the Federal Reserve’s QE programs printing over $80 billion per month.

“My stock portfolio just keeps going up and up. I have made so much money that I do not know what to do with it,” a banker working for Goldman Sachs revealed to the Financial Times.

Christmas shopping season has also come early for those not tied to anything as crass and vulgar as handing over money to shops when taking goods.

Obama’s Children

Millions of young people see what the others have and naturally want some of that too.

“We can go into any shop we want, take anything we want, then leave. Don’t have to pay a dime for it all. The police usually come after and by that time we cleaned the shop out,” an anonymous hooded individual told CBS news.

All over America the frenzied flash mob rob shopping season is quickening its pace. What used to be a once daily flash robbery occurrence is now nearly 24 hours of the day with young people taking racks and racks of goods from the shelves.

“We’re keeping the economy going. We come and clean up all the goods and walk out without paying, and the shop owners have to re-stock. That is good for the economy because they have to keep paying and paying their suppliers,” another young person revealed.