Mick Philpott to be Face of Labour at Next General Election

DERBY – England – The Labour party was proud to announce the new campaign today to put Philpott on thousands of leaflets and through letterboxes the length and breadth of Britain.

“Here is a man who personifies what Labour is about. Before he went to prison for murdering his six children, he would get £60,000 in benefits per annum to spend on booze, fags, gambling and playstations. The Philpott household had two mega size flat screen TVs, hundreds of the latest gadgets and this man lived like a king whilst being serviced by his two welfare women. His 17 benefit bred children were given barely any food and were given single items of clothing for the whole year. Their sole purpose was to be bred for benefits,” local Labour election campaigner, Jenny Arson, told the BBC.

Labour leader, Ed Miliband was joyous about the announcement: “I am very happy to see that Mick Philpott has been made the new face of Labour at the next election. We want to give the message that if you vote for us you can live a lifestyle of no work, plentiful booze, sex, drugs and fags and all the mod cons you ever wanted all paid for by people who work for you. All you have to do, as our core voting group, is vote Labour again and we will increase your benefit payments when we come back into power. The system has been made to create Labour voters and we must not spoil that.”