New ASBO Schools to Have Own Prison Wings

Pupils for the Diane Abbott Academy in Lewisham pose in the prison wing

LEEDS – England – The government is drafting a new White paper for the introduction of ASBO schools that will have their own prison wings for disruptive pupils.

Teachers are regularly assaulted by uncontrollable violent children in Britain’s state schools, and the government has come up with a great solution to an awful problem, the introduction of on-site prison wings on the school premises.

Asbo Academies

Each academy will need an estimated cost of £9.5 million to build including the prison quarters. The taxpayer, from 2013 will have to foot an additional £540 million per annum for these Asbo academies to be introduced across the country.

Parents and councillors welcomed the new ruling.

The detention wings will hold pupils indefinitely and there will even be on-site school courts so that pupils can go straight from the classroom to jail in one fell swoop.

“We’ve had about thirty teachers beaten up by the little toe rags. Naturally you can’t lay a finger on them or you’ll be arrested yourself so this new prison on the school site is a welcome relief,” Mathew Arbunckle, a Maths teacher, who was recovering in hospital after receiving multiple stab wounds in the classroom, told the BBC.

The Education Secretary said today: “Britain is teeming with feral violent children and it seems this is the only way to deal with the situation.”

  • Ramazan

    12 Hoop Earrings
    11 Fake Armani's
    10 Lambert & Butler
    9pm Curfew
    8 Young children
    7 Different fathers
    6oz of Cocaine
    5 Sovereign Rings!!
    4 Stolen alloys
    3 Different ASBO's
    2 Can's of Stella
    And a brand new brown baby

    Christmas time, the Chav way.

  • Jose

    So the government are scrapping the ASBO.

    Do they not realise that's the only qualification some kids will receive????