LONDON – England – Queen Elizabeth II has spoken of her desire to have a Jubilee celebrating her reign every year from now on, as she thoroughly enjoyed her sixtieth Diamond celebration so much.
Speaking at Buckingham palace whilst addressing the nation on all channels, the Queen said she will speak to Whitehall policy makers and the PM so the new law can be approved by parliament.
“It is her majesty’s desire to have a Jubilee celebration every year for the rest of her life, therefore as her subjects, we are obliged to agree to her wishes,” Prime Minister, David Cameron said from Number10 this morning.
The cost to the taxpayer of continuous four day celebrations every year could be huge.
“It’s not just the cost of the Queen’s celebrations which go into the multi-millions; but loss of productivity for the economy as well as the security cost involved. I guess we can get more poor bastard benefits slaves to sleep under Waterloo bridge and do unpaid work in the freezing rain, at least this way we’ll claw back some of the cost. So what if the poor f*ckers die of hypothermia, they shouldn’t have been unemployed and receiving benefits in the first f*cking place, the vile scum,” a Tory politician, told the Times.
As for the BBC, they can’t wait to film Z-List celebrities talking about novelty Jubilee sick bags for next year’s celebrations.
The brainwashed masses were also delighted to hear about the new proposals for yearly Jubilee celebrations. From now on the streets of London will be filled with flag waving people, their wide eyes glazed over, hypnotised with praise, bleating their mantra with devout excitement as they follow all the other people in the crowds. North Koreans would surely be proud of the level of brainwashing displayed by the British public for the last four days during the Diamond Jubilee.
There were, however, no calls for Gary Barlow to return, as the suicide rate in the country could rise to impossible levels.
“If I see that man’s inane grinning face singing his shit karaoke songs again I’ll shoot myself. He’s an untalented fat cu*t who is only worthy of a stint in a working man’s club somewhere in Scunthorpe. What an utter, utter, f*cking rotter,” a distraught Jubilee event TV watcher told BBC’s The Two Show, yesterday.