Octomom Squirts Ink at Local Swimming Pool

LOS ANGELES – USA – An angry Octomom, Nadya Suleman, squirted ink at dozens of swimmers today at a local swimming pool, bystanders who witnessed the act told news outlets.

“I was standing by the side of the pool minding my own business, when the Octomom came over with her 14 kids. She demanded that we all get out of the pool area so she could have fun with her 14 screaming little brats. When people refused to go, that’s when all hell broke loose. She got mad and started squirting us,” John Severino, 21, one of the pool-goers told CBS news.

LAPD officers were quickly on the scene and were squirted with black ink from the Octomom resulting in her immediate arrest.

“She bent over and squirted me in the f*cking eye with her black ink. They should have sterilised that bitch a long time ago,” Alfred Jarry, another La Habra municipal pool attendee revealed.

There are calls for more warnings about the Octomom’s defensive squirting of black ink, because experts say that the ink could cause damage to the eyes.

Naturalists say the Octomom squirts an inky liquid to escape enemies or if severely agitated. The “ink” is a thick brown fluid produced in the Octomom’s body and stored in a special reservoir known as an “ink sac.” When an enemy threatens, Octomom squirts out a dark cloud of ink and quickly retreats behind the protective screen. 

The Octomom was released from custody three hours after being arraigned and will have to attend anger management classes for the next two weeks to try and curb her squirting in public.