UK Praised For Democracy Where All Emails Phone Calls Web Use Monitored

LONDON – England – The UK Coalition government, which is adopting the previous Labour government's total citizen surveillance plan, has been praised by the World Democracy Foundation for its dedication to freedom, democracy and justice.

Speaking at London’s Westminster conference hall, Sven Scheisse, the president of the World Democracy Foundation said: “The UK government should be praised for its stance towards an open society of democracy and freedom, where citizens have the right to protest and the right to communicate with each other freely without the fear of being monitored or persecuted for their views. This is why the UK’s Coalition government really stands out as a leader in democracy worldwide. Even under Stalin’s Russia or Mao’s communist China they did not have the level of democracy the UK is now exhibiting.”

Speaking from Downing Street, PM David Cameron was adamant that the new measures would not impinge on anyone’s privacy or freedom in the UK.

Shutting Down the Internet

“Everything you say or do will be recorded. You will be free to be recorded by our Stasi agents. That’s freedom for you, right there, freedom to be recorded 24 hours a day and monitored in your own homes. All Thoughtcrimes will be punished severely and without mercy. Of course, I am a reasonable chap when I say you will be arrested and charged if you say something out of the ordinary or do not support the government’s views in any way. We will be generous to citizens who also sneak on others and report even their friends and family to local Stasi agents or the GCHQ listening posts. We can at any time bring up a file of your thoughts and actions online and give the data to any agency, company or employer that asks or pays for it,” Mr Cameron said.

There are also plans to incorporate a public address system on every street corner as well as listening devices in the streets and homes.

The Shadow Surveillance Secretary, Chris Grayling, said: “This is outrageous behaviour by the Coalition government. They have completely stolen our ideas and doctrines. I guess this proves the fact that which ever so-called party is in power, the people behind the scenes never change. Whitehall had it planned all along cheeky bastards.”

The Chinese have already praised the UK for getting in line with their policies, and hope the UK will also incorporate the mass disappearances of individuals singled out by the state monitoring systems.

The new total surveillance law will be announced in the forthcoming Queen’s Speech in May.

  • Ernestine Bromleyb

    I can't see what all the fuss is about? If you don't have anything to hide, why not let the government read your private emails? Stop being so alarmist

  • Burp

    This is going to kill technology and people's use of it.

    Personally, I'm going to make a point of emailing all kinds of crap just to annoy them. Kinda like deliberately acting suspicious when the security guard is tailing you for no reason. Fuck 'em. They're reading this anyway.