Miliband to be Prime Minister in Alternate Universe

'Red Ed' Miliband, the next prime minister of Britain?

LONDON - England - Current Opposition Labour party leader, Ed Miliband, has spoken of his aspirations and his strong will to gain the Prime Ministership of Britain.

He may think he's the best thing since sliced bread, but the delusional Miliband is about as exciting as an adenoid in a jar of formaldehyde. 

"I will be prime minister of Great Britain," Miliband screeches, in his best demented dalek voice, standing in front of his bathroom mirror every morning.

Ed Miliband is not content with the very public show of fratricide he displayed during his rise to Labour's helm. His ruthless nature shows that he will commit any crime to get to power, and if he ever shoehorns himself into the premiership, like Gordon Brown did, he will be ruthless and just as evil there as well.

"I will come to ultimate power. Every single day you will listen to my bleating voice barking out orders over the tannoys dotted around Britain. I would sell my own mother to get to power and I have shown my ruthless nature before. I mean it, I want us to go back to spend, spend, spend Britain, where Labour ministers spent your money on perks, trips abroad, gluttony, greed and salsa lessons. Next time around we want to take Britain to the Middle Ages of debt. This is Labour's message to you, the politics of spending taxpayers' money until it all runs out. Champagne socialism for the select few, and forty years of misery for the rest of you cunts who have to pay off our spending sprees. Thank you," Mr Miliband told the BBC last night.