The man with the reverse-Midas touch strikes again
DALIAN – China – Former unelected British prime minister, Gordon Brown, wants people to remember his face as they deal with the huge hurdles of economic disaster put in front of them every day.
“Since I was ousted from my job as PM to the British people they have been dealing with my premiership every day of their miserable lives. I want them to keep on remembering that their every woe and every piece of economic trouble is down to my wastage. I spent your taxpayers money like there was no tomorrow, and I want you to remember that, remember my gurning face as my chin wobbles and a bit of spittle drops onto the microphone. As you, the general populace struggle to survive through the joblessness, the severe cuts, the terrible hourly announcements that you are all doomed, and the realisation that there is no light at the end of the tunnel, remember me, Gordon Brown, I caused all of that,” Mr Brown sniggered.
Gordon Brown reminded everyone in the room that it was because of his policies that Britain was in such a terrible economic mess.
“I tripled the national debt of Britain, I took away their pensions, I sold all the gold at the bottom of the market, I destroyed the army, I took away their jobs, I caused record youth unemployment, I ordered millions of immigrants from poor countries into Britain to clog up the already overloaded system, I allowed their banks to fail, I spent like there was no tomorrow, and you can thank me folks, because there really will be no tomorrow for them,” Brown added.
Mr Brown outlined his plan was to destroy Britain’s wealth completely so that they would have no choice but to fall to the mercy of the EU.
Gordon Brown then went on to talk about his heroes Stalin and Mao, and of how he created one of the the largest Stasi Big Brother societies in the world’s history in the UK — the assembled Chinese delegates all clapped furiously.