Credit Crunch 2 Coming to a Deserted Cinema Near You

Don't go and see this film, it is too upsetting

LONDON – England – Cinema-goers were nowhere to be seen at the film's release on Monday as they were all at home watching the global markets tanking.

The film centres around a sleepy Greek village where farmers have long siestas all day and receive huge EU subsidies to have fields with nothing growing on them.

During the second part of the film’s action scene, the EU subsidised £1.5 billion Athens metro network comes into focus as the Greek passengers who don’t pay tax, get on a train without bothering to buy a ticket and ride around the whole of Athens for free in an air conditioned, plasma screened luxury carriage.

“What struck me about this movie was the astounding cost of the film. It cost 23 trillion euros to make and the movie itself hasn’t sold one ticket,” Archie Chipper, a film critic for the Evening Sub-Standard wrote in his weekly column.

The denouement of the film revolves around some cleaners and track workers all receiving £70,000 salaries and working three day weeks, all complaining and rioting about being told to work an extra day. We then see the Germans, French and British taxpayers footing the bill for the whole lot and being sucked under with the Greeks. In other words, everyone gets fucked in the end and there’s no happy ending.

“I have to say, I sat through the whole film and I cried. It was the most harrowing film I have ever seen and I sincerely do not wish this film upon anyone. Luckily I saw it in a test screening and I know for certain no one will see it in a cinema, because they’ve all gone bust,” Mr Chipper added.