God bless America..
WASHINGTON DC – USA – Our American offices are bristling with excitement of what is to follow in the next few months when the campaigning for the 2012 elections really gets going.
The Daily Squib is proudly backing Sarah Palin to become the first female president of the United States, just like we backed Barack Obama to be the first ever black president.
“We did it for Barack, supported him all the way, and now it is time for the Squib to endorse Mrs Palin. A woman who is an inspiration to everyone, a true American patriot,” Arnold Dweittlinger, the Daily Squib’s senior American correspondent said on Friday.
Palin will announce later on today that she is set to run for the US presidency in 2012, and now that she has the Daily Squib’s full backing, she is guaranteed to win.
“She’s got this one in the bag. Obama is finished because he pissed off the wrong people i.e. the Jews. She actually made an effort to visit Israel a few months ago, unlike Barack. She will be too hard to resist for American voters. A real woman who can sew a button and shoot a gun, someone who has a solid vision for America, no wishy-washy liberal spendthrift loser, she bristles with the taste of war, economic success and tax breaks that will please everyone. We love Sarah Palin, not just for her ‘hot momma’ looks but for her skill in giving speeches,” Ronnie Jedward, another of the Squib’s reporters in Washington reported.
For the last year or so, Mrs Palin has been under intense schooling and has been taught geography, governemental studies as well as etiquette when meeting world leaders.
One of her handlers, Robert McNamara, told CNN: “She knows where Tirana is as well as Paris on a map. It’s incredible, yesterday she listed all of the provinces in Southern Italy without even taking a look at an atlas.”
Plans are already underfoot for the first invasions once she gets into office much like George W Bush’s tenure, there will possibly have to be an initial catalyst to fuel the intense patriotism.
“We need someone with some f*cking balls, and unlike Barack Obama, Sarah has got plenty. Bush was a bumbling psychotic idiot, Obama is Carter part deux, and Sarah Palin is going to put the U.S. of A back on the motherf*cking map, and this time she’ll be able to point to it on an atlas too,” Mr McNamara added before being whisked away to oversee another Palin geography training session on Capitol Hill.