Send in Your Donations the End of the World is Nigh

OAKLAND – USA – Donations are pouring in to the End of the World Rapture movement's bank accounts just before the end of the world occurs later on today.

“We’re thankful for your donations to our bank accounts for Jesus. Now that the Rapture is coming today, y’all can rest assured that my Lamborghini Countach will be running on plenty of gas,” 89-year-old founder of the Rapture movement, Harold Camping told his followers.

The Rapture movement believe that Jesus is coming to earth today and that the fictional fairy tale character will bring on the Rapture. Unfortunately, Jesus could be delayed, and many of his disciples might be gravely disappointed.

“The Rapture will only happen in America because that’s where all the crazies reside. We only get the alien abductions here as well, so please send in your donations so we can get richer off your gullible asses,” a laughing pastor for Christian radio network Family Stations Inc told CBS news.

The Christian Radio Network is worth over $350 million and has raised $20 million in recent days anticipating the ‘Rapture’ to the devout Christian followers who plan on doing the same time next year as well.

Speaking from Tacoma, Washington, Earl Humbold, another pastor who is preaching about the second coming of Jesus, said: “We need everyone to donate all the money you have in your accounts to us so that Jesus can free you from your pain. Once you give us all your money, he will accept you into heaven. Amen.”

Mr Humbold who has a fleet of luxury cars and lives in a sprawling mansion, was last year indicted for the use of thousands of prostitutes and laundering large amounts of money to offshore accounts in the Bahamas where he also owns dozens of properties.

Jesus is set to arrive in Portland, Oregan at 6 pm PST.

  • jia3828

    Excellent post and wonderful article, I really like this type of interesting articles keep it up. I am really loving the theme/design of your web site.

  • roy

    Yeah, what is wanted is more donations.

    Anyone watch CableTV programs like the "Mythbusters" ?

    The signature tune is "Ave Maria".

    he he he

  • tony omaha

    I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or anything, but this is the fifth end of the world I've survived.

  • Chaucer

    I think for this situation the apt historical text you should be reading is, Geoffrey Chaucer's 'Canterbury Tales', specifically 'The Miller's Tale'.

    The question that we should all be asking now is, ‘Where is Harold Camping so we can stick a hot poker up his arrogant **** (American spelling ***)’

  • gino

    People are making Rapture jokes like there's no tomorrow.

  • bob

    aw shut up, would you mark adams

  • Louie

    Psh, who cares what Paul said to the Corinthians and Thessalonians? Or what Mat had to say about anything? If God, or Jesus, wanted us to read a book, they would have written one themselves. You are basically defined by your ability and desire to believe, please keep it to yourself if you do not want to be challenged on the basis of those beliefs.

  • Mark Adams

    YOU think your funny? Do you know about 1 Thessalonians 4, 1 Corinthians 15

    1 Thessalonians 4:15 For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep.
    1 Thess 4:16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:
    1 Thess 4:17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
    1 Thess 4:18 Therefore comfort one another with these words.

    1Cor 15:51 Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,
    1Cor 15:52 In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.
    1Cor 15:53 For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.
    1Cor 15:54 So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory.
    1Cor 15:55 O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?

    It is not too late to accept Jesus into your heart. Read the scriptures because only those with righteous hearts will be accepted into the Kingdom of Heaven.

    Everything is there as plain as the words on the paper, Jesus our savior is coming back to save us. Rejoice and the unbelievers will all burn in the fires of hell. You laugh but when he smites you down and satan's demon's come to take you away into damnation you will all be sorry. We will be saved you will all burn in the eternal fires.

    Mat 13:49-50 So shall it be at the end of the world: the
    angels shall come forth, and sever the wicked from among the
    just, {50} And shall cast them into the furnace of fire: there
    shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.