Gordon Brown and Tony Blair Invited to Daily Squib Offices Instead of Royal Wedding

Raptus regaliter

LONDON - England - After being snubbed by the royal family, Gordon Brown and Tony Blair, accepted our invitation to come to the Daily Squib offices today.

While the Middle Eastern despots, torturers and warmongers all got front row seats at the royal wedding of the century, it is surprising that two of the most dastardly, malicious and damaging characters in politics in the last few years, were omitted from the guest list.

"It certainly says something when you would rather invite a Syrian or Libyan torturer to your wedding and not the former Labour prime ministers," BBC commentator, Huw Edwards said on the day.

The Daily Squib had to step in to save this hypocritical travesty.

This is why we invited Blair and Brown to our offices for a slap up meal and to watch the whole wedding on the Squib telly in the writing room.

"We thought we should invite these two pitiful characters to our office binge because, frankly, we actually felt sorry for them. They can plot their Bolshevik revolutions to their hearts content here although we want nothing to do with that sort of thing," one of our senior editors, Al Hertyu, said.

As soon as the two former Labour PMs walked through our doors, there were cheers all round, and then the pie throwing kicked off.

Let's just say that after the staff had their way, Blair and Brown were unceremoniously thrown back out into the street where a mob of royalists recognised who they were and proceeded to kick the living shit out of both of them. Huzzah!