Ice Cream Sales Rocketing Despite Big Freeze

This man was photographed shortly before his imminent death

NORTHUMBERLAND – England – You would have thought that ice cream would be the last thing on your mind in minus thirty degree freezing weather but that's where you're wrong.

The ice cream industry has been astounded at new figures showing rocketing sales of ice cream across the whole of the UK.

“We’ve never seen anything like it. People are going out of their way to buy and eat copious amounts of ice cream. There are people literally freezing to death in the streets and in their icey homes but they’re still eating ice cream by the bucketload. Hey, we’re not complaining,” chief executive of Balls Ice cream company told the BBC.

The phenomenon has already claimed over twelve lives in the last week with people suffering from severe hypothermia, still eating ice cream and freezing to death.

“I can’t help it, even though it’s minus 22 degrees in my f*cking living room, I have to eat ice cream. I just have this irrisistable urge to have a vanilla chocolate chip praline surprise doused with chopped nuts and strawberry syrup,” Kate Horner, 23, a self-employed caterer from Nantwich, Cheshire, told the BBC shortly before freezing to death last Saturday.